and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize