did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
