I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
