butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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