So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
