Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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