i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
