She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
