there's paper in my vomit.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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