youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
