Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize