now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
