sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
