I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
