Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
