covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
