Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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