...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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