the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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