K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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