Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
