Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
