She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
