Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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