I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
