Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
