Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
