Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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