please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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