Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
