at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
