You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
