Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
