you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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