I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
