Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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