I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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