I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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