that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
