Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize