I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
