hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
