Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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