My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just had sex on a roof
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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