Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
