Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You left your phone here
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