Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
