plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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