Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
