I faked an abortion last night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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