But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
