For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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