Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
