I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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