Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
