I'm sorry my penis didn't work
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
