just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
