i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
