all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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