Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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