Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
