You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
