I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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