it wasn't lemon gatorade
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
