then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
