people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize