Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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